We were excited to find that we did share quite a few values and seemed to be on the same page about many things. As a fellow traveler, your post really resonated with me.
Then he asked me if I wanted children, to which I replied, "Eventually." "Eventually? " "Once I've established my career." "Would you work once you have kids? I might try to work part time when they are young, but I do plan to work." "Oh." I figured this would be the right time to say the four magic words and see if I could make him disappear. Our interests, politics and outlook on life are absolutely compatible. I can no longer count the number of people who have told me -- a single woman approaching 30 -- that I *should* get on JDate because their friend, nephew, cousin, sister, etc just married someone she or he met on JDate.
In the feminist blogosphere, there has been lots of discussion about the challenges of dating as a feminist. Twice I've watched women newly introduced to one another sit down and start small talk over, "So, you JDate? " Thanks for the insight on JDate and your experiences.
Jaclyn Friedman's interview with Amanda Hess seemed to be the catalyst that got everyone talking. I know values are important and your chat with your date was interesting to see. Tikun olam may be a peculiar American Jewish perversion of the Aleinu prayer where G-d is asked to repair the world- but it is not a core Jewish value of following Mitzvot and behaving honorably.
"I am a feminist." It only took a minute or so of awkward cyber-silence for him to excuse himself and close the chat window. Besides, I'd much rather pretend to be interested in what you have to say. More often than not, however, I've found a paucity of men I want to date on that (and other) sites.
(How much sooner would he have left if I had said that I did not want kids? Either too few options (JDate is not that amazing outside of a couple major metropolitan areas) or men who aren't for my feminist, intellectual, career-pursuing self (JDating men often seem to want smart but not intellectual women).
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A few weeks ago I was having a lovely instant message conversation about values with a guy I met on JDate. What is needed is for us to worry more about ourselves and less about being self righteous busybodies Thanks for this post.
I've come across stalkers, flashers and fetishizers. It's very hard to communicate nuance, levity, and emotion in email or text messaging.
(Even fairytales have trolls.) I'm not saying everyone on JDate is a creep, but it would be foolish to assume that JDate would be safer or more wholesome than any other dating site. As your mother, grandmother, aunts, and dental hygenists have told you, there are quite a few success stories. More importantly, it's very easy to infer signals through email and/or messaging that were not necessarily intended. I bet your grandma prefers talking on the phone, and in this case, she's right. That's exactly what my brother warns me whenever we discuss dating.
) I have learned that just because someone is on JDate does not mean they are going to share my values, especially as a Jewish feminist. Not to mention those whose sense of Jewishness comes nowhere near my own.
Another pitfall of JDate is the dirty truth that not all users are "nice Jewish girls and boys." First of all, just because someone is on JDate does not mean they are necessarily Jewish. Your pictures are really cute and your fake age is easily believable. JDate seems like a panacea to some and, for some, it works well. If there were a pool of feminist Jewish men on a website, now that's a dating site that seems more promising to me. People sort into the partners they want--perhaps it's better for both of you to have a strong signal--if the signal is that strong (e.g.